God loves me.
The fact that God loves me has never been this apparent until tonight.
Yesterday, I got so frustrated at things in life, I lashed out my anger on God.
I told him " I hate you! Leave me alone! I can do things on my own so just leave me alone"
I don't want to pray. I don't want to read Bible. I don't want to do anything that's related to him!
I spent my day crying, sitting, drawing a blank, thinking about my past.
Tonight, it once again occurs to me that God loves me very much.
He knows I'm rebellious and He still loves me.
He knows I'm giving him attitude and just fighting and struggling with Him.
But being the Almighty that He is, he doesn't force me to stop.
He lets me throw my temper tantrums, He lets me yell all I want, He lets me be frustrated at Him.
He lets me do all that I feel I need to do.
All He does, is put a bubble around me to keep me safe.
All He does, is cover me with His love and His presence and tells me "I am here when you are ready"
His words from the Bible is so gentle.
When I'm angry at Him, he doesn't use his usual tough, teaching voice that tells me what to do. He uses His gentleness and quietness while I lash out my anger and disappointment and sadness and frustration at Him.
He takes it all. Just like how He took in all the insults people threw at Him when He was on earth.
He was quiet.
As pastor Yu said on Sunday, God is everywhere. I was very stressed out when I heard this because i felt, "I just want to get away from you for a second. just a second! leave me alone! but why won't you leave me alone!" And tonight I realized the reason he won't leave me alone is because He loves me and He wants to keep me safe while I am being the child that I am and just venture off and try to do things my way or get hurt without myself knowing.
Tonight, I know that other than God, I have no way out. God is my only way out. He is my only rock, my pillar, my strength, my savior. He is my only Father in Heaven. He is the source of ultimate agape love.
God loves me!
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